Free Queso Day
by holdonbaby93
Summary: This is not an AU. It totally happened between episodes 17 and 18. I know because I was there. I am the Colossal Titan. Sasha finds out it's free queso day at moes and convinces everyone to go there. Little did they know that 1. mexican food existed and 2. the iwatobi swim club with in town. Crossover. Bad writing, corny lines, and tons of screaming ensue. A must read.


**A/N: All of this is in jest, obviously, and I don't own any of these characters, unfortunately, and they all belong to Shingeki no Kyojin and Free! Iwatobi Swim Club enjoy the story i love run on sentences see you next water time the end.**

It was free queso day at the new Moe's inside Wall Shina. Sasha had seen the sign the other day after killing some titans and hadn't stopped talking about it since. It helped that Moe's was strategically placing advertisements on the back of the titan's necks.

While ashes fell from the sky of the burned buildings and dead bodies, Sasha dared to break the silence. "Guys omg we have to go to Moes."

"What. Sasha we just killed ten titans and half of our squad is dead." Jean didn't understand.

"I knowwww" Sasha said, dramatically wiping her forehead of fake sweat. "That's why I'm so hunnnnnngggrrryyyy." She moaned.

"Sasha, that's inappropriate." Eren said wistfully as he looked over the edge of the wall. "Moaning is for sex or dying people. That's the only time it's ok."

Levi fell over. No one knew why.

The bell jingled as the troops walked into the newly established Mexican restaurant.

"Who the fuck still puts bells on their shop doors?"

"You do realize we're in the year 846, right Connie?" Petra said over the sound of the Spanish speaking employees. "Bells on the doors are the least of our problems. I didn't know that white people weren't the only people in the world until today."

_Where the hell are they getting electricity? _Eren thought to himself subconsciously. Of course, no one knew what electricity was in 846. He felt the cool metal of his father's basement key on his neck and considered tying it to a kite.

"ZOOKS IT'S THE SWIM CLUB!" All of the girls screamed at once, trying to cover their suddenly hardened nipples. Their faces were also red.

"Who the hell is the….haaaaaahhhh?!" Jean's jaw dropped at the sight of Makoto's muscles. They were all in their swimsuits and still dripping like gods.

"WHAT THE FUCK NOW MIKASA WILL NEVER GO OUT WITH ME WITH HOTTIES LIKE YOU AROUND." He screamed and burst into tears while running to hide behind the soda fountain.

"Jean!" Armin wailed after him. He couldn't bear to see anyone upset.

Meanwhile, the girls were in line trying to figure out what to get on their burritos.

"I'll have meat and rice." Mikasa ordered simply because she hated complicated things. "Don't ask me if I want anything else. That's it."

"I'll have some rice with chicken and mild salsa and lettuce." Krista said in the most beautiful angelic voice. The man behind the counter was love struck and fumbled for a ring that he pulled out of salsa container and proposed to her right there. "Be min-" Sasha cut him off.

"DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO HER SHE CASTS SPELLS ON PIZZA I MEAN PEOPLE." She was drooling and had left a trail behind her, which was causing the employees to follow her with a mop bucket.

"I WANT EVERYTHING ON MY FREE BURRITO. IN FACT I WANT FIVE OF THEM."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but we're only giving away free cheese. You still have to pay for the burrito."

"What the fuck." Levi muttered who was behind Sasha in line. "Who the hell eats cheese by itself?"

"SHUT UP LEVI IT'S FREE."

Levi turned around to see the dashing, wet men behind him. "Oh, so it is."

"I meant the cheese RIVAILLE SAMA KUN."

Levi grunted and blushed. "I'd rather have the swim club. And that's not how you spell my name, stupid fansubs."

Rei was jumping up and down and pole-vaulting over the tables while he waited to place his order. He had overheard Sasha use "sama" and "kun" in the same name and was thrilled someone else misused honourifics.

"REI." Nagisa crept up next to him, wrapping his fingers around Rei's neck in an affectionate and creepy way. "You weren't thinking about leaving me were you."

Rei forgot Nagisa was a psychopath. He pushed his spectacles up on his nose and did the famous anime glasses flash. "Of course not." He said cryptically.

While Mikasa was paying for her burrito, Makoto had wandered over to the drink machine to get some water for Haru because he was having withdrawals. As he got ice, couldn't help but notice the beautiful tsundere with her wonderful red scarf. He really had a thing for tsunderes. He dropped some of the ice on his hands he was so distracted and it melted right away. He was that hot.

"Hello, you are beautiful." He said tactfully, shifting his eyes back up to her face.

"I don't swing that way." Mikasa said bluntly.

"Neither do I," said Makoto blushing, "but I'd make and exception for you."

"That's nice." Mikasa said as she walked away, leaving a trail of tears bigger than the Cherokee indian's trek across the US.

Armin tried to cover Jean's ears from hearing Mikasa's subtle declaration of her sexuality, but his hands weren't big enough to cover Jean's huge head.

"NOOOOOO FIRST MARCO NOW MIKASA HOW MANY MUST I LOSE!" he screamed, grabbing Armin's jacket and ripping it in half.

"Umm, what'd you do that for?" Armin asked gently since he was terrified of ever being upset with anyone.

"Did that guy just say he liked another guy?" Haru asked a heartbroken Makoto. "Also, you have tears on your face that are made of water. Can I lick them off?" But these were the most words he had ever said at once so he fainted because he was so out of breath and didn't get to taste the delicious fluid.

Suddenly the restaurant was filled with the roaring of dubstep.

"It's the titans!"

"They've breached the walls!"

"My burrito!"

Sasha jumped behind the counter and straight into the vat of bubbling cheese. She reemerged covered in orange mess. "THIS ISNT CHEESE!" her yells barely audible above the dubstep. "THIS IS CHEESE PRODUCT!" Sharing looks of panic, the Moe's employees started chanting "ORGANIC" to cover up the exposed truth.

Just before Mikasa went whirling through the air to kill the approaching titan, Haru recovered from his faint and held up a hand. "Stop." He said calmly. "Its just Rin."

"What are you losers doing at moes don't you know a real swim diet is only the tears of sad children and the cries of people as they're eaten by sharks."

"Omg I think I'm in love." Levi ran over to rin but it took Rin a while to notice him because he was so short.

"Lol, I don't think so I only love haru oh shit did I say that outloud." Rin said meanly.

Makoto glared at Rin.

"I command you to FUCK ME." Levi said as he removed a contact from his eye and a 240 p resolution red bird flew from his eye.

"What the fuck levi has a geass?" Petra screamed, melting to ground in wooing. "LEVI SAMA I WILL FUCK YOU." The geass had bounced off of the security mirror and hit Petra instead of Rin. Everyone gasped upon hearing Petra's unladylike language. "But you didn't have to command me to, I already did." She whispered under her girly breath.

"Fuck, you're gonna be dead in a few episodes. I can't have you falling in love with me. Plus I have to remain heartless for too much of the series to return any emotion to you."

Rin jumped at hearing this. "Me too!" he shouted happily. "Maybe we _are _meant for each other." He said brushing up against Levi seductively. Haru didn't like that so he glared at the glass because it reminded him of water and he didn't want to look Rin in the eyes because every time he did they did this annoying shivery thing that made him have vertigo.

After a few minutes of awkward silence Armin realized he hadn't seen Eren since the wall. He asked the question that was on at least one person's mind. "Hey," he started, always a master at introductions, "Where's Eren?" The public speaking class he had taken had really paid off.

"I don't now, where is Eren?"

"Oh my god my brother/boyfriend is missing."

"Eren who?" Levi asked, his legs intertwined with Rins.

"Hurry, let's go find him!" Jean said, strategically running around the CAUTION PISO MOJADO sign the employees had set there to warn against Sasha's drool.

Once the youths congregated outside they all let out a scream in a major seventh chord.

"It's another titan!"

"It's an abnormal!"

"It's Nagisa!" Rei shouted, pole-vaulting over the mostly anatomically correct muscles. "Wake up Nagisa, you've been poisoned!" Nagisa looked confused and immediately returned to his usual shota form.

"I took some medicine that a doctor with glasses gave me because I know nothing about not taking things from strangers. He was just so nice." Nagisa said innocently.

"Ok, as long as you've learned your lesson." Rei said patting him lovingly on the back. "Plus, you can almost always trust people with glasses." He said, his spectacles doing the shiny thing again.

Just then Eren emerged from a basement with an iPad. "Guys! I found the secret to the titans!" Everyone screamed in excitement and ran over to see.

**Currently Disclosable Information: 404 Error- Page Not Found. Try reloading your browser or stop using shitty technologies like Apple to store important information. Sincerely, -Annie Leonhardt **

"Well that sucks. How are we gonna make a season two out of that?" Petra sighed.

"Lol like it matters to you, you're gonna bite the dust before season one is even over!" Connie retorted. Mikasa punched him in the face. She secretly loved Petra.

"Well, idk, how are we gonna make a second season about a bunch of sexually ambiguous swimmers?" Nagisa chirped. Rei frowned.

"Hey, I have an idea." Armin said beginning another convicting speech. "Let's go back to HQ and play parcheesi!" He beamed.

"Cheese!" Sasha drooled.

"Yeah!"

"Let's do it!"

"Friendship is all that matters."

"Have faith in your team, they'll never let you down."

"I only swim free."

And with that, the soldiers skipped happily back to the barracks with their newly made friends and partially full stomachs, and everyone was happy until episode 22 ripped (literally) our hearts out. The End.


End file.
